afraid to think about..

"sometimes there are some things in the future which are afraid to think about.."

I know, everythings must be unplanned
must be dreamed..
must be started from now..

it has started, it's walking on its way, but where's the finish point?
I never know, never think about it..

I'm the critical one to achieve a thing that I want..
must be pretty, must be perfect, and must walk appropiate my thoughts..
but for this thing..
I just can flow it away..

I love this guy
I love the way he smiles, his hair, his eyes, his teeth, his attitudes..

asdfghjkl, yakh!
I don't know what I am writing for!!!!
I just don't understand my feeling now.. T__T

sometimes I feel so in love to him..
sometimes I hate him so damn..

cause of a dot lives in this story..
a dot that I can't ever remove..
like what you did, it's not easy to give an opportunity again to a liar..
it's not easy to delete all of problems until it's clear..

but I tried..
I tried to forget
I tried to forgive
I tried to give an opportunity..
but the only thing that I never tried is give him a trust..

harghh.. it's most unclear anyway..
I don't know what I want to talk about, write about..
so crowded in my head, full, absurd, unexplained..

I don't know,
is this extraordinary love?
the craziest love?
or afraid to lose?
afraid to be cheated?
why must be like that?
why should be like that?
and what's the reason if I shouldn't be like that?
too many question..

whatever it would be..
whatever my love story ending..
I must be strong..

if it has a happy ending,
I will be happy

if it has a sad ending,
I must be wiser

and I,
have have have and HAVE TO BE BRAVE to 'see' all things arround me, arround you..
remember, eyes set to see the truth..

God, just give me the best way to make it ends..
I love you..

Monday, 28th Jan, 2013
9.58 pm
in the corner of my room
"the devil isn't you. the devil is your narrow thoughts..kill it before it kills you.."